Tag: quarantine

10 Points for Reading Book! How Many Scores for Writing One?

I never thought keeping score would be this depressing. I even never thought that I would be keeping score for everything I’ve done during my break. Welcome to so-called “New Normal” my version.

I don’t know when it all started. I was a super flexible person. Go with the flow. Even when it comes to traveling, I only make lists for the places I’d like to visit. I’m a very punctual person, but I never arrange my day to day in a neat scheduler (except for meetings in work of course). Until recently. During this never ending pandemic/quarantine/stay at home time.

Somehow, there’s a slight anxiety or a terrible feeling when it comes to time for myself. Say that it’s weekend, or even in the evening during weekdays. I’m so scared that I would be doing such an “unproductive” things. I don’t even know what those things are, because, even worse, everything feels so wrong.

I started to make a mental note. A mental list on what I should do during the free time. The list always revolves around my hobbies or things that I love to do. Because I thought it will simply give me a content feeling. Like I’m progressing in something or achieving something. Like I can show to the world, “Hey, do whatever your want to do! But you can’t fuck with me!” The list also revolves around what thing I can learn during this stranded time. Or “produce” something. Like a page of coloring book, or a simple small painting, or a song to be mastered. So, every weekend, starting Friday night, I make a list. How many pages I have to read for a book I currently read (or maybe even finish it during the weekend), how many blog posts, how many TV series/movies that I could watch so I can take it out from my watchlist, how I should spend time for rearranging furniture/bookshelves, how many hours I should spend to play games in PlayStation, what kind of recipes I should try to learn, which songs I should learn, and so on, and so on.

Soon, it became like a chores. Something that if I didn’t do, I would blame myself. I always feel a regret every time I took a nap during weekend, because 1 hour nap could equal to 60 pages book read or 1 song to master with my Ukulele. I hate myself just for laying in bed for hours because my mind is just to tired with everything. What makes it worse, I curse myself just because I watch too many shows or play games longer, instead of reading books or writing. It’s getting difficult to enjoy what I used to enjoy because there’s a race in my head. It’s like I’m keeping score for all those activities I should just enjoy. How many scores you should give to read a book? is it higher than watching your fav show? or is it lower than writing this blog post?

Not to mention how time flies unusually fast these days. I can’t just believe we’ve been in 2nd half of 2021 and 2019 feels like decades ago. Every day is just another day with the news of your closest friends being affected by Covid-19 or your loved one passed away. I woke up quite early everyday, never past 8 AM. But before I’d done anything, suddenly it’s past midday, and there goes the guilty feeling. “How come I haven’t done anything? Why did I spent another 1 hour just to watch YouTube? Why didn’t I start on writing my book instead? Why should I feel tired all the time? I don’t have time to feel tired!” These train of thoughts haunted me as the time passed. There’s a very big temptation to list down what I had done in a day. Just so I can assure myself that I don’t have to feel like a piece of trash laying on the ground doing nothing. It’s harsh, I know. But It’s true. And It’s getting harder every time.

I don’t know how this happened. Or why. Or how to stop it. Or should I stop it or not. Everything is so biased right now. We don’t know which information is right or whom to believe. It feels like we’re on our own battle and this kind of thoughts is enemy against the anxiety war. The war that everyone has on their own. Will it be over soon? Or does it normal to feel like this during this “new normal”? Because if it does so, then I don’t know what “enjoy” means anymore.

Day in a life in a quarantine : my way to fight anxiety as an extrovert.

I don’t know with you guys, but being quarantined for me means more busy than usual! So it’s been 6.5 months up until today that I have to work from home due to this pandemic. The first 2 months wash harsh, though. It’s tough, as we need to adjust everything. Suddenly, we were over worked. It seems like there’s no limit during office work. Also, there are a lot of things the we need to stop doing. We don’t know how to exercise outside. We stop meeting friends and loved ones. My insomnia relapsed, I couldn’t sleep for couple of weeks. Everything feels like a false hope and I was lost.

I remember it was the mid week of May. It had been 2 months of quarantine. I started writing every day. 1 page per day. About anything that came up to my mind every time I started writing. Every day, 5 mins before starting working, I write. Every time I write, my mind is getting clearer. Instantaneously I can control my emotions. No more panic attack, less insomnia and anxiety. Then, I started making plan.

I wrote all of my plans. Everything I would do in this given times. Then a lot of ideas came up. Some are new, some are the old ideas that had been sitting in my mind since long long ago but I just came with a lot of excuses for not doing that. Once I’m enriched with many ideas, I feel like I have a new purpose all of a sudden. Tbh, the idea list is quite ambitious. After a thorough thinking, I short it with things that I always love to do. So, I’ll feel like I’m doing it without being forced. The idea is, once I ticked most of the things from my list (although it starts with things I love), I’ll be more encouraged to do the others. I’m kind of proud of my self now that it’s 8 out of 16 things that has been done and became new habits of mine during quarantine. There are :

  1. Learn to cook more new recipes
  2. Write more (blog or handwriting)
  3. Activate (and actively writing on) my blog
  4. Read a lot of books
  5. Learn how to paint/sketch
  6. Create new IG content (again, visit @coretoan for these contents! :D)
  7. Exercise more
  8. Learn new language and practice everyday.

So, as today’s topic is about writing my day, I’ll reveal my day to day schedule to accommodate all of those things. I woke up around 6.15 to prepare breakfast for Abang. Mostly I go to sleep again around 8.00-9.00, then start working by 9.30. Before I join the challenge, I set 5-10 mins before working to write on my diary. I always make a hard stop for lunch on 12.00-13.00 that I usually use it to watch 1 ep of series as well :D. I’ll continue to work until 17.00 when it’s my hard stop time so I can have 30-45 minutes exercise. After showering and light dinner, before I continue to finish up a bit of work, I write on my blog. I’ll turn off my laptop around 21.00 and set aside my phone. It’s time for reading and language learning! I spare 1 hour to learn and 1-2 hours to read before I go to sleep around 00.00. I learn new recipes and how to sketch mostly on weekend. Every Tuesday & Friday, I also have 1 hour Japanese course. Here’s the result from 1 month attempt of Japanese course. Shout out to my bestfriend Ayu, who has been a great sensei for me!

わたしのまいにち

わたしはいつも６じ３０ぷんにおきます。朝ごはんはサンドイッチかぎはんをりゅりします。ときどきごぜん８じからごぜん９じまでまたねます。９じ３０ぷんからごご５じまでいえではたらきます。それからうんどうします。火曜日と金曜日は１じかんにほんごのべんきょうをします。ばんごはんはめったにたべません。

まいにち１じかんほんをよみます。土曜日とにちようびはたらきません。まいばんは ブログ をかきます。まいしゅうにちようびはえをかくとをべんきょうしています。

This is one of my homework this week. Writing on my daily activity looks like!

Sounds tiring and boring? Surprisingly not. Sometimes I took 30 mins break from working time to read couple of pages. Or sometimes instead of reading book, I do coloring. My workout menu always varies. Sometimes, it’s just a rest day and I spend the night just talking to Abang. I share my activities and learning in social media to fulfill my extrovert needs. Yes, I found a purpose. Not about to do many things, not about to show other people that you can do may stuffs, or not to be seemed like I’m thriving by doing these things. My purpose is only how to stay sane and happy. So I set my own limit, I set my own pace. Again, it’s all back to ourselves.