(Book Review) This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel

This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel book cover

This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

“How could you say yes to webbed feet but no to a dress, yes to being who you are but no to dressing like him? How did you teach your small human that it’s what’s inside that counts when the truth was everyone was pretty preoccupied with what you put on over the outside too?”

“Easy is nice, but it’s not as good as getting to be who you are or stand up for what you believe in”

This book is not centered on one transition in a family, but actually the whole family member. At the beginning it feels like Claude is a lucky boy when his family just accepted him of what he wanted to become. But when Claude transitioned as Poppy, the family changed too and easy is not exactly a word to describe what Poppy’s family experienced. I learned that an acceptance is not about we accept our family member as who they are, but also to admit to the world about who they actually are.

Reading this book really makes me devastated and heartbroken. In a good way. I love everyone here. I love Penn and his belief in fairy tail and fantasy. I’m so in love with his bedtime stories and how all the boys tucked in one bed to listen to their father’s story every night. I love Rosie and her logic. I sometimes rolled my eyes reading her thoughts and bold decisions, but then again, sometimes we need to be slapped with a reality. I love Roo and all of his mistakes that it’s actually a reflection on how confuse he is and how much he wanted to help his family. I love Ben and his kind warm heart. His witty brain and tender heart is showing how such a perfect brother he is. I love the twins Rigel and Orion. How they show behind his goofy characteristic, they all care about their family so much. And Claude/Poppy….what’s not to love? Their tender pure heart, the innocence and the vulnerability, everything in them just made me want to run toward them and hug them and tell him that he’s loved no matter what.

I’m so happy that this book has a happy ending. Like I said, it’s sometimes too devastating and heartbreaking to read. I even stopped for a couple of days because some of the events that happened here really hits close to my life and it triggered my anxiety attack.

I truly recommend this book to those who needs a lot of courage to come out, or to support our loved ones.

Day 4, Quote 4, by Bill Gates

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
Bill Gates

When I read this quote, I was super thrilled! Why? Because I totally can relate! Hahaha!

So, sorry before if it’s not an inspiring post from a quote (yea, like I ever write any inspiring posts. hahah!). I just want to share a silly story about my life, as a lazy person. Who feels affirmed and justified after reading the quote.

I am known among my friends that I’m much of an effortless person. When it’s suddenly raining, I won’t run because….I’ve been wet already, why would I run? And running on the rain is quite dangerous cause it could be slippery, isn’t it? Haha, I know, I know. It’s been always like that. If I don’t see it fits (the way I see it fits) or effective.

But, come to think of it, this thinking about found an effective way to do something has been started since I was a kid. I remember when I need to do some chores, I created a path in my mind. Like, which “route” I need to take so I don’t need to pass through the same place, in my own house, and do the chores based on that order. Like creating a circle line in my head, so it’d reduce the “production time” to finish all of it as fast as I could. Worse, (or maybe better?), I could be too judgy to other people when I think they should so things more effective way.

Anyway, It’s always been like that since then. Every time I do my work checklist, I always think which way to do it as fast as I could…simply because I’m too lazy to have overtime. All I can think is I want to have more spare time for other things. To have that so-called work-life balance. I know, in the other side, it could affect the result. But, as to do things fast is already being my nature, I’ll just need to focus on how to do the things right.

Day 3, Quote 3, By Unknown (about Mom)

“Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a Mother.”
Unknown

IMHO, no quote more true about Mom than I wrote above. I mean, if you (Indonesian) still remember long time ago we had books called Buku Pintar, I believe we’re still looking for more of answers to our Mom than that books. Nothing more true that when we’re seeking for a manual for our life, we always go to our mother. When we had our first boyfriend/girlfriend. When we couldn’t decide an important things in life. Or….when we didn’t know when the leeks go into that soups. Ha! Aren’t we all?

Mother – Daughter relationship always special yet unique for me. For sure we love each other, but still, sometimes we argue things that we can’t even remember the causes. But then again, we always ends it with stronger bond than ever. Mothers are always daughter’s guardian angel, the compass in their children’s life. On the other side, daughters are always mother’s soul, the purpose in their life. They think that, they’re everything for each other.

My mom and I are blessed that we’re close to each other. When I was still in school, after I’ve done my homework and study (what a diligent student, I was, huh? haha!), I always spent almost an hour just to talk with my mom before I went to bed. I talked about almost everything, tho mostly about school, considering I was only a teenager. Up until now, I always call her when I need her advises. Sometimes, over a silly things such as how to cook things, which clothes to wear during business trips, how to manage my housemaid, or when I need to choose one of her purses that I’d like to borrow for any kind of occasion. Mostly, of course, over some important things in life.

Well, I think a “manual” is too underrated. Like I said, she is a compass in my life.

Day 2, Quote 2, by Shantideva

Whatever joy there is in the world
Arises from wishing for others’ happiness.
Whatever suffering there is in the world
Arises from wishing for your own happiness.
Shantideva

This year is definitely an irregular year. Everything turns upside down, it makes us questioning our purpose. We start thinking, is everything that used to makes us happy still the same? Or is it getting biased now? Are we put ourselves too much, or do we care our loved ones enough? What do we need, is it being loved? is it loving? or simply….striving and thriving?

A friend of mine share the quote in the group one day. It is a reminder of old saying that “we need to put others first before ourselves”. That we can attain such joy after we see our loved ones happy. That too much ambition could lead us to disappointment and suffering. A reminder that it is easy to be happy once others are happy.

Is it? Easy?

These uncertainties we’re having these days create many ambiguities. We were too stressed that everything becomes so biased. We’re forgetting our plans, giving up our initial hopes, and shifting our purpose. We don’t see far to the future, we just chase what is in front of us. We tend to think it’s the only way to makes us survive. We’re becoming too focus on ourselves, and less aware about the suffer that happens around us.

But, we’ve forgotten a simple, yet most important, goal. Happiness. Worse, we’ve forgotten, that we need home to have that. That the home must be welcoming, warm and full of love to make us feel safe and content. Your closest friends are your home. Your family is your home. Your community around you is your home. It’s where the happiness lies.

So, don’t you wanna try what the quote saying?

Day 1, Quote 1, by Bob Iger

Don’t start negatively, and don’t start small. People will often focus on little details as a way of masking a lack of any clear, coherent, big thoughts. If you start petty, you seem petty.
Robert Iger, The Ride of a Lifetime: Lessons Learned from 15 Years as CEO of the Walt Disney Company

Bob Iger’s book, The ride of a Lifetime, was one of the book that open my eyes this year. It really inspired me that it’s not impossible being a CEO in a big company, even if you started from the bottom, as long as you have faith in yourself, push the best out of you and great will to step up to the top.

Many quotes inspire me from the book. But only 1 quote that struck me in the heart. It didn’t give excitement from the feeling of inspired. Instead, it stabbed me hard.

All my life, I always be a generalist. I never have any deep skill. I learned how to play piano, never good at it. I learned many languages, I never be really fluent in it. I like to write, yet my writing is still mediocre (hopefully it’s getting better). I learn lots lots of things in my life, but nothing from it I become master of. And to make it worse, I always stop what I learn before I finish it. I got bored or felt enough, and eager to learn another new thing. Not only I start small, I end petty.

I think and think so many times. Should I change it? Should I focus on one skill? Should I be specialist, as it seems like easier to get attention. Or even a clear career path. Should I choose one skill, learn it deeply, and have something that I can really put as my main strength ?

But then again, the quote said about not masking a lack of big thoughts. What if to learn it all is part of it? What if to have a will to never stop learning is not to start smart at all? The quotes, anyway, remind me of something. To never give up learning. Stay focus as knowledges are never small. And indeed, it’s not petty at all.