Is it possible? Coz’ I feel like one now. Especially after a year stay at home due to this pandemic. A year with no traveling, meeting friends through video calls or doing groceries by online.

My office enacts the “Work From Home” since March 2020. Starting 2 weeks after that, It was the first time I have an anxiety. I was having a mild depression. I had insomnia for don’t know how many nights. I felt fatigued every night. My eyes became sore and keep excreting gunk whole day. Seeing screens never felt so exhausting and frustrating like then. Some of my close friends who know me try to reach me out coz they know for real that an Extrovert like me would felt so much stressed in this kind of situation. I can say the first 2 months was hard for me. I knew what to do, but it’d mean I had to go out of home, chill in a cafe/bar, meet some friends, etc, which are impossible to do. It felt like I didn’t have much choices and had to accept the truth that I’m going to lose my mind. What a sad, distressing and painful days of my life.

Then I started to read again. A hobby that was somehow forgotten for about more than a year. I remember I started with one of the book that saved my life last year : Filosofi Teras by Henry Manampiring. This book really helped me with the stress management. I learnt about Stoicism and practically since then I practice it day by day. Suddenly I found the way to be happy again in such challenging time. I read and I read. Nonfictions, fictions, histories, autobiographies. It helped my mind to have some rests from the reality and merge into many worlds books could offer. It gave me a lot of new perspectives and reminded me to keep being an open-minded, which really helped me to be grateful somehow. And most importantly, gave me lots lots of idea on how to strive in this situation. Very much needed indeed. I managed to read 24 books since March until the end of 2020.

Then, I started to write again. I remember I started it by writing a journal. From 5 minutes per day before starting to work, to 1 page minimum per day, then suddenly I began to write about my mind a lot. I wrote basically about everything. About things I found in works, or about books I read, and most likely what scared me the most those days. Somehow it helped me to rearrange my scrambled mind. I started to make list on what to achieve during the locked down. Then, I reactivated my blog. I joined a challenge to write everyday for 30 days (you can find my 30-days-writting-challenge here). Writing helped me to find a purpose in such limited situation.

Writings reminded me that I always have a target every year to learn something new. I decided to learned Spanish and Japanese. Also, I learned how to draw. The latter helped to face my old fears. And suddenly I have this second profile on Instagram here where I usually put two things I wanna learn during this time; drawing and story telling. I never imagined before that drawing would help to reduce my anxiety a lot. Sometimes I felt like I got into the zone and snoozing off from the rumble I had in my mind and suddenly felt the serenity within. I learned to appreciate more to the process than the result only. Now, I’m learning the next art I want to master; playing a music instrument. After a long call meeting, I tried to take a deep breath and spent 10 minutes to play or learn a song. It’s surprising me how 10 minutes can make mind and soul so refreshed!

I spent a long time feeling terrible about how unproductive I was being. Then, I spent time trying to forgive myself for all that judgment. Now, I’m just grateful for creativity, whenever it comes and in whatever form.”

Gavin Creel, one of my fav Broadway star, on how to cope during this pandemic that I can 100% relate

So, yeah, basically Reading, Writing and Arts really helped me this past 1 year. Then, I just realized, I’m getting more and more uninterested in going out and meeting people. Not only I’m still kinda afraid with the virus, but it’s like I feel that I can find more happiness and calmness here at home, by myself. When my office announced that the WFH is extended until further notice, there’s a part of me that saying “yaayy!”. Though I know, I’d be delighted seeing my friends again later, I’d be okay to stay like this for a little longer time until everything is much better. Am I turning into an Introvert? Ambivert? Or am I simply adapting? Any ways, I’m enjoying my life and grateful for it.