Years later.

Ever since I turned 30s, somehow my life goal has changed significantly. Especially since this pandemic. I used to have dreams like working in big company until retired. Or may be having my own company. Be a leader or someone important. It’s just like usual dreams or goal. Something that everyone aims.

But it changed a lot. All I think about now is just how to be happy. How to feel content. About doing what I love. To live up my passion. And how to help communities by doing what I love. How to be able to always be close with our loved ones. I used to aim to conquer the world. Now I want to start small. A small happy world for my loved ones and communities around me.

My passion always about meeting people. I think that’s why I love traveling at the first place. And my dream life is not far from that. I’m thinking to live outside Jakarta. A smaller city with slower pace. Having my own Airbnb which provide local guide. To greet my guests in person and serve them wholeheartedly. We’ll exchange our knowledge about culture. Perhaps, some of them could be my new family. Or maybe having them joining 1 day volunteering in local foundation. Or, may be having my own foundation as well? You see, this life goal is always about people.

I’m also thinking to go to school again. Or maybe taking some courses. I used to think to take master degree to support my career. But, right now, I want to take master degree to support my life. Being committed to learn something deeper that is aligned with my passion, which I can implement it daily into my community.

Most importantly, I want life that is fully connected. With my families or best friends. With people around. And I’m talking about connected in person. To always think and care about each other. To reach out and able to be reached out. To always be there when needed. Because, what are we without them? What can we do without our support system? We could be as important as a CEO, or busy chasing other dreams. Still, we need to come home at the end of the day. So yeah, If you ask me about my goals for the future, I want to be “home” for my loved ones.

When I fell head over heels.

When your hearts beats abnormally. When you feel like you have butterfly in your stomach. When you just realized that you still have all of those things even after a long time relationship with your significant other, even after the ups and downs or all the hiccups along the way, you know it could be a sign that you’re loving someone.

It could be tiring, you know, loving someone. Because you never stop care about them. You never stop worry about them. In your meantime, you remember them, and suddenly it occurs to you, “has he/she eaten? has he/she drunk enough water? is he/she tired now with all those works? is he/she okay or happy?”. They’re still on top of your mind, even after your own long tiring day.

It could be tormenting, sometimes, loving someone. Especially when they’re in their lowest condition. We can’t stand seeing them so sick, sad or frustrated. If possible, we’d love to swap for awhile. “God, let me be the one who’s sick/sad/frustrated. Let them always be healthy and happy”, we beg God. Like, really begging.

But, mostly, it would be comforting, strengthening, and encouraging. Their hugs will feel like a charger after a long day. You feel like you’d like to spend hours just to cuddle with your him/her. Even without words being said. Their corny dad jokes will make you laugh out loud, somehow. You just didn’t realize that it’s not the joke that makes you laugh and have fun. But, it’s because you’re in your most comfort zone. You’re relax and letting go the negativity. You be your most inner self, loving and being loved limitless. It’s not because who they are, but, it’s because who we are when we’re with them.

You know what? It’s not only a theory about loving someone. It’s true. I have it, with Abang. The only person on earth that I care so much I can’t stop worrying him. Still, I have no objection with it. That being with him means recharging with all the cuddles, talks, and laughs. That spending time with him feels like home. Always.

Thank you notes

Let me write this to the ones that inspires me through my whole life.

Thank you, to my friends, who make me realize that human has unexpectedly limitless power as long as we have the willingness. There’s my friends who finally can run a full marathon after long trainings. My friends who tirelessly learn things that they love, through courses or even chasing doctoral program. Or my friends who manage their time so they can do sooo many things in a day that it seems they have more than 24 hours.

Thank you, to my fellows, who make me aware that there’s no such thing as being late in finding passion. Let alone starting the quest to find one. You who start new hobbies and learn it by heart. You who passionately share things you just love dearly. Or you, who learn a lot of things, because you still don’t find something that clicks, yet, you never stop learning. You’re the reasons behind why I start writing again and learn to paint.

Thank you, to my mates, who show me that being grateful, kind and genuine is not overrated. You, with your pure hearts, make a fundraising as your main activity. You, who’s always being selfless, always put others first. My friends who cares not only their close ones, but also to their surroundings. By helping communities, consulting moms in labor, or regularly doing blood donation.

And lastly, thank you to my families and best friends, who keep reminding me the power of love and support to your closed ones. The way you always reach out to me. The way you’re always there when I need my main “support system” the most. The way you’re mad at me when I made a mistake. The way you somewhat proud of me, even in my lowest time, which is really encouraging me to not giving up.

I’m beyond grateful to know all of you. You’re the actual mentor in the real life.

So, thank you.

Postcard. Why bother?

A friend of mine who often travel with me always asking the same questions “Why do you bother sending all of those postcards?”. He’s always questioning my motive, although he always voluntarily accompany me in a quest to find a nice postcard and stamp, to accompany me in a coffeeshop writing it one by one (sometimes he even helped me writing the address), and to remind me to ask the receptionist to post it for me. He’s right tho, so many efforts, yet why bother?

I always spend time to look for postcards. I have list of friends whom I’ll be sending it to. I even chose the postcards carefully, which one to which friend. Why? because each postcard will have a story. A story that I know I can only share it to these particular friends of mine. It is a personal message for their eyes only. Thus, the picture in the postcard will be aligned with this mission. When we were still dating, I sent a postcard to Abang, telling something that I didn’t tell him when we’re texting or calling. It’s always started and ended with a native language on how to start and end a conversation. Now that we’re married, Abang and I send each of us postcards that we’ll only read it when it’s arrived already.

Postcards board that I set in front of my working desk at home

Mostly, I tell about the my unique findings in that particular trip. If I found something that reminds me about my friends, I’m telling them that. When I eat the favorite food of my friends. Or when I went to same places that we went before. Or about a cute guy I met during the trip, whom I know we’d be talk about. Sometimes I write funny things. Once, I wrote a price list of every foods Abang and I ate during the trip. When we read it again once it’s arrived, we’re shock. Not on how much we spent, but on how much we ate!

I’m not really sure why I bother to do so much effort and make each of the postcards very personal. I guess it’s just my way to show how I care my loved ones so much. I want to share, not in a formality, but in a way we’re talking to each other directly. Or it’s also a way for me to reminiscing every trip I’ve made. A fun reminder to make life counts and be grateful.

Catch me if you can

Nope, this is not a movie/book review. So if it’s somehow appear to you when you google it, you may leave now. Or, bear with me for awhile while I’m writing about today’s topic on this 30 days writing challenge : ways to win my heart.

It’s not that hard, though.

You just need to have a broad knowledge. About anything. Probably same interests of mine. Or different. I don’t mine. Because I can spend a whole day to talk with you. You’ll inspire me with your knowledge. You’ll teach or show me something I don’t know it ever exists before. You may also have a deep knowledge about something you passionate about. It’s always interesting to know another point of view from people who’s really into something.

We just need to have same sense of humor. As an extrovert, I absorb energy from other people. If we share the same sense of humor, we might as well share a positive energy when we meet. Your joke is funny, because you’re always thinking outside the box. Your humor is so fresh that it’s unexpectedly witty. And no, it’s not because you’re talking low about someone or make a fun of their physical appearance. It’s not funny at all.

Oh, if you can speak in many languages, you’ll leave me in an awe. Somehow I always think that when people can speak several languages other than their mother tongue, they’re not only smart, but also open-minded. When we learn another language, we learn about the culture. We learn about how to communicate the way the native think. We’ll be part of the world.

If you took notice, you can win my heart as long as you’re a great pal to talk with. This is actually the first reason why I said yes to Abang. When you’re growing old together, when your joints are shaking, when your breaths are getting shorter, when all you can do is just sit together, you’ll talk. You’ll talk about your happy memories, you’ll talk about books you just read together, you’ll talk about your children and grandchildren. You need something to laugh about when your mind is getting tired with the whole world you’ve just seen, passed and had. I couldn’t imagine spent my old time with someone who couldn’t provide any of that. I couldn’t imagine spent my whole time without Abang, the one who already won my heart 🙂