Vidya Dahana Patra

Or what we dearly call Vidatra. It’s my school name.

I went to school there since kindergarten. I went until 12th grade. So it’s basically the only school I have in my life other than my university. Well, it’s normal if you lived within a company housing. It’s quite common here, especially for oil company. So yeah, I have exactly same friends since kindergarten to high school.

My memory from kindergarten still quite strong. I remember my house that time was walking distance from my school. My maid, or mom, or even my grandma when she visited us, took turn to walk me to school. I still remember I was in class A6 and B6. The class located at the back side, where it’s facing directly to school pond and playground. It’s close to the yard. I remember we had a kind of sand yard. We used it for Monday ceremony, or simply just playing around building sand castle or anything. I still remember my class pretty well also. There was 4 big tables to accommodate all of us. On the right side of the class there was cupboards to put all art supplies. And on the back side of the class, there were toys to play house. I remember there were baby cribs, small sofas, tables, and small tableware. Cute isn’t it ?

My elementary school was soooo big. It’s so big that we have 3 gates to enter the school. Each grade has about 6-7 classes. It completes with a huge hall and our own football field. Our school yard can accommodate 1000 students for Monday ceremony. The class can accommodate up to 30 students. It has no AC but has big windows on both side. We didn’t move around during schools, we stayed at 1 class and the teachers came to us. We only move to other class for music, math or religion class. When I was still in elementary school, the canteen was so small and they only sold snack. We could only buy the meals for take-away. We ate in our corridors. It’s an open air corridor though. What I like about my elementary school is the way they arrange school bus. We relied on school bus so much because the school location is quite far from the housing area. The school made marks on the parking yard, to where each bus for each of housing area has to park in dedicated area. So it ease the students to find the bus.

My middle school and high school are 2 different yet similar buildings. Funny things about these school is that we shared some facilities. The basketball court is located at middle school, but the computer lab is at high school. We didn’t have football field, so we need to go down the hill (there was stairs to access it) to go to our main stadium. Middle school’s canteen was same like elementary school, where they only sold snacks. But my high school has some menus that is ok for lunch. Though, we rarely ate lunch at school. Because it’s located only 5-10 mins from home, we always had lunch at our home. What I love from my middle school was its library. It’s small, but complete enough. Sadly, my high school’s library wasn’t managed well. They only had books from former international school that we had long time ago.

It’s an uncommon school. But, still it’s the best school in East Borneo. We even managed to get into best 100 schools in Indonesia, where we rank above some good schools in Jakarta. We always have 100% rate of graduation and most of the students went to the best universities in Indonesia. ITS and UGM have a great relationship with my school that they give us a special track for colleague scholarship submission. Each year, the students either graduate with the highest score in East Borneo, or there’s 1-2 students that graduate with perfect score. Not me, though. hahah!

Anyway, because we only have that same friends from kindergarten until high school, we learned how to appreciate a friendship. After we graduate, sometimes it’s difficult to find friends we can truly trust. We become more grateful as we understand by heart how a friend could be our family. So, yeah, thank you, Vidatra!

Postcard. Why bother?

A friend of mine who often travel with me always asking the same questions “Why do you bother sending all of those postcards?”. He’s always questioning my motive, although he always voluntarily accompany me in a quest to find a nice postcard and stamp, to accompany me in a coffeeshop writing it one by one (sometimes he even helped me writing the address), and to remind me to ask the receptionist to post it for me. He’s right tho, so many efforts, yet why bother?

I always spend time to look for postcards. I have list of friends whom I’ll be sending it to. I even chose the postcards carefully, which one to which friend. Why? because each postcard will have a story. A story that I know I can only share it to these particular friends of mine. It is a personal message for their eyes only. Thus, the picture in the postcard will be aligned with this mission. When we were still dating, I sent a postcard to Abang, telling something that I didn’t tell him when we’re texting or calling. It’s always started and ended with a native language on how to start and end a conversation. Now that we’re married, Abang and I send each of us postcards that we’ll only read it when it’s arrived already.

Postcards board that I set in front of my working desk at home

Mostly, I tell about the my unique findings in that particular trip. If I found something that reminds me about my friends, I’m telling them that. When I eat the favorite food of my friends. Or when I went to same places that we went before. Or about a cute guy I met during the trip, whom I know we’d be talk about. Sometimes I write funny things. Once, I wrote a price list of every foods Abang and I ate during the trip. When we read it again once it’s arrived, we’re shock. Not on how much we spent, but on how much we ate!

I’m not really sure why I bother to do so much effort and make each of the postcards very personal. I guess it’s just my way to show how I care my loved ones so much. I want to share, not in a formality, but in a way we’re talking to each other directly. Or it’s also a way for me to reminiscing every trip I’ve made. A fun reminder to make life counts and be grateful.

Stoic and Brush

Every year, I always set 1 resolution that is the same with previous years. “Learn something new”. 2 years ago, I learned how to write and read Javanese script. A year ago I learned how to climb. This year, thanks to the pandemic, I learn new things more than usual.

The first thing I learn this year, that really really help me to strive during this pandemic, is stoicism. According to Wikipedia, the path to eudaimonia (happiness, or blessedness) is found in accepting the moment as it presents itself, by not allowing oneself to be controlled by the desire for pleasure or fear of pain, by using one’s mind to understand the world and to do one’s part in nature’s plan, and by working together and treating others fairly and justly. To be honest it’s a very hard thing to be learned, but we can always start with one thing : focus only to things that we can control. We’re in control of our best effort, we’re in control of our way on diet and exercise, but we’re not in control of how the results are in people’s minds. So, after reading about it, all my energy is focusing on doing best things. I make myself to believe that it’s the process that matters. It’s the process that makes us being our true and best self.

Stoicism also taught us on how to treat others fairly. I train myself to stop thinking negatively to people around me. I try to put myself in other’s shoes. I try to understand their thinking, by set aside my ego and assumption. Remember that assumption leads to disappointment, and nothing good comes from too much ego. World is facing a global issue that leads us to anxiety, trust issue and hopeless feeling. Maybe, just maybe, if we start to treat people around us justly, we can help the world with this small positive vibrant 🙂 .

There are a lot of things still need to be learned from stoicism. I’m still in the process tho. At least, it helps me to make peace with myself. It helps me to be more focused and calm. It helps me to finally learn something I’m afraid to learn before; painting. I was so afraid to do it earlier because I always thought that painting is not for me. When I was 5 years old, I was told blatantly that my drawings were so bad that I wouldn’t be able to master drawing at all. It haunted me. I really wanted to be able to draw, or sketch, or paint, but, all I could think is that the result will be disappointing. So, yeah, thank you stoicism. It really saves me from my traumatic childhood.

It’s not that I only learn how to draw. Drawing or painting itself teaches me a lot. It teaches me how to appreciate art and the artist even more. It teaches me to always think outside the box (especially the moment when you stroke your brush mistakenly that you needed to find a way to disguise it hahaha!). It teaches me to let loose. To choose colors with no further thinking. To express myself by providing my own safe zone. Most importantly, drawing or painting gives me serenity. It’s indeed a therapeutic activity. It gives me time to know myself.

Again, I’m writing this not to brag on how much I’ve learned in this past 6 months. Instead, I want to ask you. To not giving up with the conditions. To not stop learning. To never stop loving yourself by giving yourself what you deserve. You deserve the positivity. The serenity. You deserve the freedom of fear and pain from other’s thinking about you.

Dear, Akas

How are you up there? We miss you here. Do you miss us? or me particularly?

How’s heaven? Earth is quite a mess right now. I imagine if you’re still with us, you probably the one with the most concerned, as you’re always be the one who always caring us the most. Especially when you know Abang is still work from office, I know exactly you’d tell us to take total precaution and telling us the latest news that you just find out on the news. And you’ll keep asking how we’re doing, through Oma or Mom.

I miss you everyday, especially every Sunday. When there’s your fav program on TV, boxing match. I think you’re the most dedicated boxing fans on earth, hehe! I miss you every time I watched PON (National Sport Weeks), because it reminds me you always introduced me proudly with your team when you were chief of Jambi KONI (Indonesia National Sport Committee). I guess it’s one of the reason why I love sports that much. I miss you on every road trip, because it reminds me how I sat on your laps and we’re competing to read all the signboards along the way. It was more than 25 years ago, but it just feels like 25 seconds ago. I miss you when I’m at the airports, because it reminds me most of my first travelings because you always brought me along in every holiday. I miss you every time I see Hotel Indonesia, because you woke me up that morning, carried me into your car, and took me there to eat the famous chicken porridge. I even miss you when I read the word “river” and “ocean” or the phrase “I’m feeling blue”. Because it’s one of the many English words you taught me. God, so many memories that triggered me to miss you badly.

Akas, there’s one thing I regret until now. That I haven’t told you this directly. You’re inspiring me. You’re the one who taught me to be kind. As a brother, as a father, as a grandfather, as a friends, as a leader, and as a family. Your kindness are reflected in your sayings, your deeds, and the way you’re listening to people around you (even though it seems like you’re into that video music you’re listening to). All people who knows you always say this to me, “Kak/Pak Alam was a very kind person. We’re really glad and blessed knowing him in our life”. When your grandchildren were gathering around you, you set the TV to our fav channel, just because you want us to feel comfortable and having fun. And one thing I know, your kindness wasn’t because you’re told to. Or because you need to prove anything. It’s just who you are.

So, thank you for all the life learnings (Especially on how to be on time. Very punctual. And by punctual, I mean it’s 30 mins early). For all the sweetest memories that any grandchildren could’ve asked for to their grandpa. I’m blessed I had been loved by you. Al-Fatihah.

Day in a life in a quarantine : my way to fight anxiety as an extrovert.

I don’t know with you guys, but being quarantined for me means more busy than usual! So it’s been 6.5 months up until today that I have to work from home due to this pandemic. The first 2 months wash harsh, though. It’s tough, as we need to adjust everything. Suddenly, we were over worked. It seems like there’s no limit during office work. Also, there are a lot of things the we need to stop doing. We don’t know how to exercise outside. We stop meeting friends and loved ones. My insomnia relapsed, I couldn’t sleep for couple of weeks. Everything feels like a false hope and I was lost.

I remember it was the mid week of May. It had been 2 months of quarantine. I started writing every day. 1 page per day. About anything that came up to my mind every time I started writing. Every day, 5 mins before starting working, I write. Every time I write, my mind is getting clearer. Instantaneously I can control my emotions. No more panic attack, less insomnia and anxiety. Then, I started making plan.

I wrote all of my plans. Everything I would do in this given times. Then a lot of ideas came up. Some are new, some are the old ideas that had been sitting in my mind since long long ago but I just came with a lot of excuses for not doing that. Once I’m enriched with many ideas, I feel like I have a new purpose all of a sudden. Tbh, the idea list is quite ambitious. After a thorough thinking, I short it with things that I always love to do. So, I’ll feel like I’m doing it without being forced. The idea is, once I ticked most of the things from my list (although it starts with things I love), I’ll be more encouraged to do the others. I’m kind of proud of my self now that it’s 8 out of 16 things that has been done and became new habits of mine during quarantine. There are :

Learn to cook more new recipes
Write more (blog or handwriting)
Activate (and actively writing on) my blog
Read a lot of books
Learn how to paint/sketch
Create new IG content (again, visit @coretoan for these contents! :D)
Exercise more
Learn new language and practice everyday.

So, as today’s topic is about writing my day, I’ll reveal my day to day schedule to accommodate all of those things. I woke up around 6.15 to prepare breakfast for Abang. Mostly I go to sleep again around 8.00-9.00, then start working by 9.30. Before I join the challenge, I set 5-10 mins before working to write on my diary. I always make a hard stop for lunch on 12.00-13.00 that I usually use it to watch 1 ep of series as well :D. I’ll continue to work until 17.00 when it’s my hard stop time so I can have 30-45 minutes exercise. After showering and light dinner, before I continue to finish up a bit of work, I write on my blog. I’ll turn off my laptop around 21.00 and set aside my phone. It’s time for reading and language learning! I spare 1 hour to learn and 1-2 hours to read before I go to sleep around 00.00. I learn new recipes and how to sketch mostly on weekend. Every Tuesday & Friday, I also have 1 hour Japanese course. Here’s the result from 1 month attempt of Japanese course. Shout out to my bestfriend Ayu, who has been a great sensei for me!

わたしのまいにち
わたしはいつも６じ３０ぷんにおきます。朝ごはんはサンドイッチかぎはんをりゅりします。ときどきごぜん８じからごぜん９じまでまたねます。９じ３０ぷんからごご５じまでいえではたらきます。それからうんどうします。火曜日と金曜日は１じかんにほんごのべんきょうをします。ばんごはんはめったにたべません。
まいにち１じかんほんをよみます。土曜日とにちようびはたらきません。まいばんはブログをかきます。まいしゅうにちようびはえをかくとをべんきょうしています。
This is one of my homework this week. Writing on my daily activity looks like!

Sounds tiring and boring? Surprisingly not. Sometimes I took 30 mins break from working time to read couple of pages. Or sometimes instead of reading book, I do coloring. My workout menu always varies. Sometimes, it’s just a rest day and I spend the night just talking to Abang. I share my activities and learning in social media to fulfill my extrovert needs. Yes, I found a purpose. Not about to do many things, not about to show other people that you can do may stuffs, or not to be seemed like I’m thriving by doing these things. My purpose is only how to stay sane and happy. So I set my own limit, I set my own pace. Again, it’s all back to ourselves.