Day in a life in a quarantine : my way to fight anxiety as an extrovert.

I don’t know with you guys, but being quarantined for me means more busy than usual! So it’s been 6.5 months up until today that I have to work from home due to this pandemic. The first 2 months wash harsh, though. It’s tough, as we need to adjust everything. Suddenly, we were over worked. It seems like there’s no limit during office work. Also, there are a lot of things the we need to stop doing. We don’t know how to exercise outside. We stop meeting friends and loved ones. My insomnia relapsed, I couldn’t sleep for couple of weeks. Everything feels like a false hope and I was lost.

I remember it was the mid week of May. It had been 2 months of quarantine. I started writing every day. 1 page per day. About anything that came up to my mind every time I started writing. Every day, 5 mins before starting working, I write. Every time I write, my mind is getting clearer. Instantaneously I can control my emotions. No more panic attack, less insomnia and anxiety. Then, I started making plan.

I wrote all of my plans. Everything I would do in this given times. Then a lot of ideas came up. Some are new, some are the old ideas that had been sitting in my mind since long long ago but I just came with a lot of excuses for not doing that. Once I’m enriched with many ideas, I feel like I have a new purpose all of a sudden. Tbh, the idea list is quite ambitious. After a thorough thinking, I short it with things that I always love to do. So, I’ll feel like I’m doing it without being forced. The idea is, once I ticked most of the things from my list (although it starts with things I love), I’ll be more encouraged to do the others. I’m kind of proud of my self now that it’s 8 out of 16 things that has been done and became new habits of mine during quarantine. There are :

Learn to cook more new recipes
Write more (blog or handwriting)
Activate (and actively writing on) my blog
Read a lot of books
Learn how to paint/sketch
Create new IG content (again, visit @coretoan for these contents! :D)
Exercise more
Learn new language and practice everyday.

So, as today’s topic is about writing my day, I’ll reveal my day to day schedule to accommodate all of those things. I woke up around 6.15 to prepare breakfast for Abang. Mostly I go to sleep again around 8.00-9.00, then start working by 9.30. Before I join the challenge, I set 5-10 mins before working to write on my diary. I always make a hard stop for lunch on 12.00-13.00 that I usually use it to watch 1 ep of series as well :D. I’ll continue to work until 17.00 when it’s my hard stop time so I can have 30-45 minutes exercise. After showering and light dinner, before I continue to finish up a bit of work, I write on my blog. I’ll turn off my laptop around 21.00 and set aside my phone. It’s time for reading and language learning! I spare 1 hour to learn and 1-2 hours to read before I go to sleep around 00.00. I learn new recipes and how to sketch mostly on weekend. Every Tuesday & Friday, I also have 1 hour Japanese course. Here’s the result from 1 month attempt of Japanese course. Shout out to my bestfriend Ayu, who has been a great sensei for me!

わたしのまいにち
わたしはいつも６じ３０ぷんにおきます。朝ごはんはサンドイッチかぎはんをりゅりします。ときどきごぜん８じからごぜん９じまでまたねます。９じ３０ぷんからごご５じまでいえではたらきます。それからうんどうします。火曜日と金曜日は１じかんにほんごのべんきょうをします。ばんごはんはめったにたべません。
まいにち１じかんほんをよみます。土曜日とにちようびはたらきません。まいばんはブログをかきます。まいしゅうにちようびはえをかくとをべんきょうしています。
This is one of my homework this week. Writing on my daily activity looks like!

Sounds tiring and boring? Surprisingly not. Sometimes I took 30 mins break from working time to read couple of pages. Or sometimes instead of reading book, I do coloring. My workout menu always varies. Sometimes, it’s just a rest day and I spend the night just talking to Abang. I share my activities and learning in social media to fulfill my extrovert needs. Yes, I found a purpose. Not about to do many things, not about to show other people that you can do may stuffs, or not to be seemed like I’m thriving by doing these things. My purpose is only how to stay sane and happy. So I set my own limit, I set my own pace. Again, it’s all back to ourselves.

Lost in Translation

The one who’s making this challenge really love talking about “love” I think. This is the 2nd topic out of 3 topics about love. Didn’t they realize that love is the happiest feeling on earth but at the same time it is the hardest thing to explain? Even to show. A lot of people lost in trying to understand the act of love. Figuratively speaking, they’re lost in a translation of love language .

We all know there are many kinds of love in this life. Couple love, parent love, sibling love, friendship, love to our pet, even love to our own place or city. But there’s a silver lining above all of those; belonging. If you don’t have the sense of belonging out of something, someplace or someone, there will be no love between you. When you feel like you belong to anything, you want to keep it dearly in your heart. You don’t want to lose it. You hold tight onto it. Once you lose the sense, you let go. Not all love can be let go, though. It is forgotten sometimes, but not let go. Confusing, indeed.

Love has 2 faces, if you aware about it. Let’s call it the white devil and dark angel. It could trap you without you notice about it. It took most of your time and energy. It ruined your concentration and mostly your mood. It sometimes ruined your relationship with your friends or family. Yet, we somehow still felt very happy. We didn’t realize that there’s a white devil luring us to the trap. It’s called love. It could as well give you a frustration with all the attention. You somewhat forgot that to show love it doesn’t always mean to give flowers or celebrate anniversaries, but still, you were demanding to have all of those. When your parents grounded you or gave you earlier curfew, you hate it because you forgot that it’s actually because they love you. Love, here, looks like a dark angel. Misleading, perhaps.

Love is when you feel home. Within a city or with someone. You want to leave, but you’ll miss it. You’re tired with all the routine, but you need it because it feels safe. Sorry to sound so cliché, but without one, you’re a lost soul. You need it as a compass, as a lighthouse, to remind you sometimes the purpose of your life. Yes, in it, you’re still lost in translation. But, you know deep down you have all the clues.

Erste Liebe.

To be honest, I don’t like today’s topic. I mean, it’s so cheesy. Too cliché to talk about. Everyone has first love. And the story always the same old story. It’s funny, silly, and full of tingling memories. Sometimes it ends up with our first heartbreak. Sometimes it ends up with our latest love instead. Some people blessed to have one, some people still searching for one. It’s all circling down about that area.

Some of us talking about first love always start it with “who?”. Then followed by “when?”. They never asked about “how?” because most of us assume it’s always about the same old stories. Isn’t it?

First love might be with the one who lets our guard down. Or Maybe the first one who makes us realize to put our guard up. It’s the one who takes us to another part of life that we don’t know ever exist before, and we don’t want to leave it. Or, we’re actually trapped in it. In good way, tho.

First love could be when you hit your puberty. Or maybe in your second puberty. You could find it when you least expect it. When you feel like you’re tough enough to be “alone” in the world, it makes you realize you’ll always need significant other. When you think you’ll never find one, it turns out to be your last as well and completes you all of sudden.

First love would be heartening, comforting and mind-blowing. It would be confusing, hurting and mind-boggling as well. But it always feels special. We’ll feel like an alien finding a new way, new habit, new life. No matter how it goes. Or ends.

But, First love should be something happy, tho. If not, then there will be no one says it never dies. If not, then it won’t be in so many topics in many books, movies, bonfires or even writing challenges. It shouldn’t always work out, as people want to move on and try new stuff, and it is only when you look back that you might think, wow, I had that special thing.

Catch me if you can

Nope, this is not a movie/book review. So if it’s somehow appear to you when you google it, you may leave now. Or, bear with me for awhile while I’m writing about today’s topic on this 30 days writing challenge : ways to win my heart.

It’s not that hard, though.

You just need to have a broad knowledge. About anything. Probably same interests of mine. Or different. I don’t mine. Because I can spend a whole day to talk with you. You’ll inspire me with your knowledge. You’ll teach or show me something I don’t know it ever exists before. You may also have a deep knowledge about something you passionate about. It’s always interesting to know another point of view from people who’s really into something.

We just need to have same sense of humor. As an extrovert, I absorb energy from other people. If we share the same sense of humor, we might as well share a positive energy when we meet. Your joke is funny, because you’re always thinking outside the box. Your humor is so fresh that it’s unexpectedly witty. And no, it’s not because you’re talking low about someone or make a fun of their physical appearance. It’s not funny at all.

Oh, if you can speak in many languages, you’ll leave me in an awe. Somehow I always think that when people can speak several languages other than their mother tongue, they’re not only smart, but also open-minded. When we learn another language, we learn about the culture. We learn about how to communicate the way the native think. We’ll be part of the world.

If you took notice, you can win my heart as long as you’re a great pal to talk with. This is actually the first reason why I said yes to Abang. When you’re growing old together, when your joints are shaking, when your breaths are getting shorter, when all you can do is just sit together, you’ll talk. You’ll talk about your happy memories, you’ll talk about books you just read together, you’ll talk about your children and grandchildren. You need something to laugh about when your mind is getting tired with the whole world you’ve just seen, passed and had. I couldn’t imagine spent my old time with someone who couldn’t provide any of that. I couldn’t imagine spent my whole time without Abang, the one who already won my heart 🙂

The Broadcast People (imho)

In 2012, I joined a broadcast industry. Haha, no, no, not as a celebrity. I joined Sony as Product Marketing for broadcasting product. I didn’t set any expectation before I joined. I didn’t know that it was a life changing experiences. Thank you for the people in it.

When I joined, I only had 1 year experience as a consumer electronic product marketing. It was a whole different world. Especially the product. I was feeling like a stupid alien, couldn’t understand anything my colleagues or customers talked about. My first 3 months was stressful. Again, thank you for the broadcast people, I survived. Not only survived, but successfully nailed it for the next 6.5 years.

If it’s not because of their understanding for all of my first errors and mistakes.

If it’s not because of their patience to teach me the basic knowledge of Broadcasting (and advanced one, of course. It’s exactly the place when your customers are more knowledgeable than you)

If it’s not because of their warm heart to welcome me like their little sister.

All of those “let’s meet up at coffee bean/LG floor/kopitiam/canteen at GF/8th floor/engineer room/studio x”, that led to gossips, laughs, confiding to each other, or hints to the next project, that bonded our relationships.

All of those complaints, critics and lost projects, that taught me how to maintain an account relationship, not only in good time, but also in bad time.

All of those laughs and funny stories in every tiring and jetlagged business trips for NAB, IBC and BCAsia.

They are people who is always fun to be with. Even the big big boss. They could told you a brutal honesty, but they’re indeed kind people. And, tbh, I miss them.