Yoan is typing…

I don’t really remember when or even why I like to write. I think it began when I was still in middle school. I liked to write about how I felt. Not in a full story, not even in a sentence. It was just a doodling of words. Some kind of calligraphy, but of course in a font that a middle school student know of. When my friends like to doodling or drawing on the corner of their text book, I write instead. Some words like “Boring”, “Haha, funny!”, or “OMG! So cute!” (this must be when I saw my crush across the class room. HAHA!”). But, It’s just that. I can’t remember when I start to write for myself.

Yes, I write for myself. It could be about any kind or anyone. But I never meant to publish it before I knew about blog. Even when I started blogging, I didn’t really care about blog traffics, comments, or likes. And it doesn’t change that much now. The only reason why I publish my blog is just that I want to share about my thoughts, without worrying much how the thoughts will suit others. I mean, I don’t mind if anyone’s disagreeing with me about things I wrote. I just need to release some burdens.

I kept a note book that I always write on. I think it’s started when I was in high school to write every time I feel confused, sad or stressed. Most of my journal filled with my negative thoughts back then. I guess, until now, I write to calm myself. It’s my way of sorting out my thoughts. When I’m filled with negativity, my mind is always a mess. Somehow, when I write, my mind is getting clearer. My heart beats slower. I’m getting to know myself. But now, I write almost when I feel everything. When I get too excited about something. When I think I need to list all of my plans. Or even when I feel inspired after reading books or watching movies. I’m getting to know a complete version about myself. I know what I want, what I need and how to fill the life with purposes.

I wrote once that when I read, it feels like I drop off in a rest area where I can finally pull the hand break, take a deep breath and have a short walks enjoying the views. But in writing, it’s like a pull over and think to sort everything out. It’s not a short getaway. It feels more like a pit stop. A break to prepare more of life.

Years later.

Ever since I turned 30s, somehow my life goal has changed significantly. Especially since this pandemic. I used to have dreams like working in big company until retired. Or may be having my own company. Be a leader or someone important. It’s just like usual dreams or goal. Something that everyone aims.

But it changed a lot. All I think about now is just how to be happy. How to feel content. About doing what I love. To live up my passion. And how to help communities by doing what I love. How to be able to always be close with our loved ones. I used to aim to conquer the world. Now I want to start small. A small happy world for my loved ones and communities around me.

My passion always about meeting people. I think that’s why I love traveling at the first place. And my dream life is not far from that. I’m thinking to live outside Jakarta. A smaller city with slower pace. Having my own Airbnb which provide local guide. To greet my guests in person and serve them wholeheartedly. We’ll exchange our knowledge about culture. Perhaps, some of them could be my new family. Or maybe having them joining 1 day volunteering in local foundation. Or, may be having my own foundation as well? You see, this life goal is always about people.

I’m also thinking to go to school again. Or maybe taking some courses. I used to think to take master degree to support my career. But, right now, I want to take master degree to support my life. Being committed to learn something deeper that is aligned with my passion, which I can implement it daily into my community.

Most importantly, I want life that is fully connected. With my families or best friends. With people around. And I’m talking about connected in person. To always think and care about each other. To reach out and able to be reached out. To always be there when needed. Because, what are we without them? What can we do without our support system? We could be as important as a CEO, or busy chasing other dreams. Still, we need to come home at the end of the day. So yeah, If you ask me about my goals for the future, I want to be “home” for my loved ones.

When I fell head over heels.

When your hearts beats abnormally. When you feel like you have butterfly in your stomach. When you just realized that you still have all of those things even after a long time relationship with your significant other, even after the ups and downs or all the hiccups along the way, you know it could be a sign that you’re loving someone.

It could be tiring, you know, loving someone. Because you never stop care about them. You never stop worry about them. In your meantime, you remember them, and suddenly it occurs to you, “has he/she eaten? has he/she drunk enough water? is he/she tired now with all those works? is he/she okay or happy?”. They’re still on top of your mind, even after your own long tiring day.

It could be tormenting, sometimes, loving someone. Especially when they’re in their lowest condition. We can’t stand seeing them so sick, sad or frustrated. If possible, we’d love to swap for awhile. “God, let me be the one who’s sick/sad/frustrated. Let them always be healthy and happy”, we beg God. Like, really begging.

But, mostly, it would be comforting, strengthening, and encouraging. Their hugs will feel like a charger after a long day. You feel like you’d like to spend hours just to cuddle with your him/her. Even without words being said. Their corny dad jokes will make you laugh out loud, somehow. You just didn’t realize that it’s not the joke that makes you laugh and have fun. But, it’s because you’re in your most comfort zone. You’re relax and letting go the negativity. You be your most inner self, loving and being loved limitless. It’s not because who they are, but, it’s because who we are when we’re with them.

You know what? It’s not only a theory about loving someone. It’s true. I have it, with Abang. The only person on earth that I care so much I can’t stop worrying him. Still, I have no objection with it. That being with him means recharging with all the cuddles, talks, and laughs. That spending time with him feels like home. Always.

Thank you notes

Let me write this to the ones that inspires me through my whole life.

Thank you, to my friends, who make me realize that human has unexpectedly limitless power as long as we have the willingness. There’s my friends who finally can run a full marathon after long trainings. My friends who tirelessly learn things that they love, through courses or even chasing doctoral program. Or my friends who manage their time so they can do sooo many things in a day that it seems they have more than 24 hours.

Thank you, to my fellows, who make me aware that there’s no such thing as being late in finding passion. Let alone starting the quest to find one. You who start new hobbies and learn it by heart. You who passionately share things you just love dearly. Or you, who learn a lot of things, because you still don’t find something that clicks, yet, you never stop learning. You’re the reasons behind why I start writing again and learn to paint.

Thank you, to my mates, who show me that being grateful, kind and genuine is not overrated. You, with your pure hearts, make a fundraising as your main activity. You, who’s always being selfless, always put others first. My friends who cares not only their close ones, but also to their surroundings. By helping communities, consulting moms in labor, or regularly doing blood donation.

And lastly, thank you to my families and best friends, who keep reminding me the power of love and support to your closed ones. The way you always reach out to me. The way you’re always there when I need my main “support system” the most. The way you’re mad at me when I made a mistake. The way you somewhat proud of me, even in my lowest time, which is really encouraging me to not giving up.

I’m beyond grateful to know all of you. You’re the actual mentor in the real life.

So, thank you.

Vidya Dahana Patra

Or what we dearly call Vidatra. It’s my school name.

I went to school there since kindergarten. I went until 12th grade. So it’s basically the only school I have in my life other than my university. Well, it’s normal if you lived within a company housing. It’s quite common here, especially for oil company. So yeah, I have exactly same friends since kindergarten to high school.

My memory from kindergarten still quite strong. I remember my house that time was walking distance from my school. My maid, or mom, or even my grandma when she visited us, took turn to walk me to school. I still remember I was in class A6 and B6. The class located at the back side, where it’s facing directly to school pond and playground. It’s close to the yard. I remember we had a kind of sand yard. We used it for Monday ceremony, or simply just playing around building sand castle or anything. I still remember my class pretty well also. There was 4 big tables to accommodate all of us. On the right side of the class there was cupboards to put all art supplies. And on the back side of the class, there were toys to play house. I remember there were baby cribs, small sofas, tables, and small tableware. Cute isn’t it ?

My elementary school was soooo big. It’s so big that we have 3 gates to enter the school. Each grade has about 6-7 classes. It completes with a huge hall and our own football field. Our school yard can accommodate 1000 students for Monday ceremony. The class can accommodate up to 30 students. It has no AC but has big windows on both side. We didn’t move around during schools, we stayed at 1 class and the teachers came to us. We only move to other class for music, math or religion class. When I was still in elementary school, the canteen was so small and they only sold snack. We could only buy the meals for take-away. We ate in our corridors. It’s an open air corridor though. What I like about my elementary school is the way they arrange school bus. We relied on school bus so much because the school location is quite far from the housing area. The school made marks on the parking yard, to where each bus for each of housing area has to park in dedicated area. So it ease the students to find the bus.

My middle school and high school are 2 different yet similar buildings. Funny things about these school is that we shared some facilities. The basketball court is located at middle school, but the computer lab is at high school. We didn’t have football field, so we need to go down the hill (there was stairs to access it) to go to our main stadium. Middle school’s canteen was same like elementary school, where they only sold snacks. But my high school has some menus that is ok for lunch. Though, we rarely ate lunch at school. Because it’s located only 5-10 mins from home, we always had lunch at our home. What I love from my middle school was its library. It’s small, but complete enough. Sadly, my high school’s library wasn’t managed well. They only had books from former international school that we had long time ago.

It’s an uncommon school. But, still it’s the best school in East Borneo. We even managed to get into best 100 schools in Indonesia, where we rank above some good schools in Jakarta. We always have 100% rate of graduation and most of the students went to the best universities in Indonesia. ITS and UGM have a great relationship with my school that they give us a special track for colleague scholarship submission. Each year, the students either graduate with the highest score in East Borneo, or there’s 1-2 students that graduate with perfect score. Not me, though. hahah!

Anyway, because we only have that same friends from kindergarten until high school, we learned how to appreciate a friendship. After we graduate, sometimes it’s difficult to find friends we can truly trust. We become more grateful as we understand by heart how a friend could be our family. So, yeah, thank you, Vidatra!