Talking about my personality, we need to have a bit of some steps back. People always thought I’m an Extrovert. A sanguine. But, was I always like that since, say, my childhood ?
I wasn’t that type of little girl who’s always confident. I did not smile when I was on the stage. My voices were barely heard when my friends and I had a vocal group. I never been in a front row. Neither been the one who started a conversation. I was having fun only with my close friends. I rather be spending most of my time in my room, playing by myself or reading books, than meeting my friends outside school.
So how did I change to be present me? There are 2 moments in my life that took a big part of it.
2001. I joined theatre club in my middle school. I still remember how my feet was frozen, my voices were trembling and my heartbeats felt like a burst in my chest. And it was happened during practice only! Thanks to my wonderful friends, I took notice that they seemed fine after they’ve done their reading. I started to practice my breathing technic. It helped to calm the nerves. I found a good rhythm in my heartbeats. I finally can think clearly and put my scattered energy into focusing on the script and stage management. Step by step, I gain my confidence. I applied the same breathing technic into the class. And I apply it again and again until now. Before a futsal match, before a presentation to my bosses at work, or sometimes before I need to start a conversation with a stranger.
2010. I traveled to Berlin. Even though I went there with my friend, I spent mostly of my traveling time by myself. I applied the same breathing technic every time I got lost or had to ask questions in Deutsch. But something struck me hard during this first solo traveling of mine. I saw a very different perspective of the world. Humanity is still out there everywhere. Stereotype could turn out to be a mistake. World is colorful with its people, cultures, religions, foods, songs, etc. I realized it back then, if I’m not open up my mind, I won’t grow. If I’m not pushing out my self to be brave, I’ll learn less. If I’m not stepping out from my comfort zone, I’m not going anywhere.
So here I am now. An ENFP. Sanguine – Phlegmatic. Never tired to try something new (tho, some people might think I’m bored easily~). Still love to spend some times alone to read, write, or paint. Yet, always enjoying every moments to meet new people, have new friends, and listen to their stories. Yes, I’m still easily nervous in front of people often. But when I controlled my breath, focusing my energy, thought the positive outcome, thought about the colorful world, I managed to smile on the “stage” 🙂
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